Well, things are still going steady. Nothing particularly exciting, but a few odd jobs getting done that is getting us closer to our goals. I have pulled a row of tiles off the wall, which means that I have less than half the room to go as far as the wall boarder goes. I have organised for Donna to take Landon for a few hours on Thursday so that I can have a good go at it without interruption. My aim for Thursday is to get rid of the floor tiles. Yes, all of them in four or so hours. It sonds like a massive and hard job, but it actually will be an easier job than it sounds. There is a sheet of Giprock between the hardwood floor and the tiles, and so long as the Giprock is not glued to the floor as well, it will be a matter of jimmying the first few tiles off and then I'll be able to just lift a few off at a time in sheets. Of course there is always the possibility that it may also just be a fucking hard job. You never know.

Landon is being a bit difficult by tonight, though he is now asleep in bed. I know what the problem is, and I am not sure how to go about fixing it. He is getting dehydrated. Now that we are cutting out another bottle during the day, and he is eating solids for breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and then getting his first bottle of the day at 7ish at night, he isn't drinking enough during the day if he won't take water or juice or whatever between meals. But I don't know how to force him to drink when to date he is refusing to take any liquid that isn't milk. I am going to go to the drop in clinic on Tuesday morning to chat to the nurses there and see what they can suggest, but how do you force an 8 and a half month old to do anything he doesn't particularly want to? I mean I would assume that he will eventually jsut start drinking when he gets thirsty enough, but that theory hasn't worked to date.

Mark left for work tonight after two weeks at home as he didn't go in last stint. You would assume that I would be overjoyed at all the time together. Not so much. I guess I am used to getting time to myself, and so having to have him permanently around for two weeks I almost find a bit suffocating. i love him dearly, but when he is at work, I get a nice little break to visit my friends, laze on the couch without someone constantly asking "what do you want to do? I'm bored!" and not feeling guilty to have a moment doing nothing. And it makes me appreciate him more, having not seen him for four or five days. But anyway, I am sure I will be back to bitching about how much I hate his job taking him away so much within a few stints.

So for this week, my main goal is to get the bathroom floor out. And of course the general maintenance of the house chores. Yay! (insert sarcastic roll of eyes here!)

I have my first clinic appointment at the hospital on Wednesday. I can't remember what that particular appointment involves, but it is at 8am, so it would want to be important, other wise I might be a bit unimpressed. But this is the only appointment that is done by refferal, and I have no say in the time, so hopefully for the next 6 months, I can organise more suitable times for me.

I had honestly forgotten the tiredness of being pregnant, though this time is worse than last. I didn't have Landon last time, who does not care that mummy is tired and still needs so much done for him. I wouldn't change it for the world, but it would be nice if he could start sleeping through!

Well, not much more to say. need to get up and change the channel, as So You Think You Can Dance is on, and I am not a fan. Goodnight journal.

Has been a long time since I posted, but honestly, between pregnancy, Landon, Mark and general stuff, just haven't had time. Or energy, really.

This last weekend was pretty stressful. We had Cyclone Hamish tracking the coast here, and while we were bound to be okay, there was always the fear it would turn more west and hit us full on. As it was we had flash flooding and a little wind, but otherwise it was fine. And now it is heading more Easterly and so shouldn't hit the coast anywhere. We spent Saturday morning cyclone proofing our house, then went over to Donna and Ross's and helped them (Mark did, anyway. I was more the cheer squad). He went and got sandbags with Ross, then we moved the fridges upstairs so that if they flooded again, they wouldn't loose everything. The water did flood, but did not make it in the door. Got pretty close though.

Sunday I was so tired that I went to bed at 10.30pm, but Mark stayed up a little and watched the weather. But, big night, Landon slept through the whole night! He made up for it last night being being a wretched little so and so, but I did get one unbroken night's sleep for the first time in 8 and a half months. If I didn't have such a bad cough that kept waking me up anyway, it would have been awesome!

Today we are trying to put the house back in order. After needing to move all the junk quickly, all surfaces just have crap sittin gon them as we had to get the car in the garage, and a few things, like chairs and that, inside. So there was/is not alot of room to move round. I am looking at it as a good excuse to clean OUT while we clean up. I gurnied the porch today, before we bought the table and chairs back out and put all the plants back where they should go. Tiles didn't come up that well, but the walls and the roof did, so got to be marginally happier.

We also did the hard part of the front garden last week. It is fully weeded, then weed matted, then a layerof cardboard as extra weed matting, then the layer of white rocks. We still need more rocks, but we will get them once the two small garden beds right in front of the house have been weeded etc. as well, as they will have rocks in them as well. We still have a few pots to plant out so that there is some sort of decoration in there, as it looks pretty bare right now, but they don't have to be done right away. it looks SOOOOOO much better than it did though. And now, I don't have to weed any more!

What else? I have my first appointment at the hospital clinic next week, so hopefully that will go well. I am going to get excited once things start happening I think. We haven't even had an ultrasound yet, that isn't until 20 weeks to determine the sex of the baby, so it really has been a little bit of a non event so far. But once I start having appointments I will be pumped. I am nervous though. Seeings as we have had nothing done yet, I guess I am scared something is wrong and we won't find out for ages until 20 weeks. Not that i would have an abortion if there was something, but it is so scarey not knowing.

Anyway, my boy has woken up, so I better go and play mummy!

Well, I have finally gotten onto everyone and told them all about the new baby Mark and I are expecting. It turned out to be really a non event, as not all who know seemed to really give a crap. One person went so far as to tell us we are stupid for having another one! (Give two guesses who that was!) I don't know if he meant so soon after Landon, or at all!

Mark and Donna brushed it off as him just being him. But you know what, I am so sick of that excuse being used for people. Why should normal people make exceptions and put up with bad behaviour from others just because "it is just them". I think he needs to think a bit mroe before opening his mouth and come to accept the fact that i am not out to screw his son and himself out of housing/money/etc or whatever they think Mel did! If I was going to, you'd think I would have once Landon was born, seeings as that would have been enough to guarentee it. Grrr, it just makes me so mad that I sometimes have to fight this stereotype they have of all girls in this town who date miners. For god's sake!

But, I realise that there is nothing that we can do about it and so I am in the position where I just have to put up with his shit until we move or he is too old to look after himself and thus requires being put into care. And that is too far away to really warrant much thought.

But about this baby. Hmmmm. It is hard to get excited about it, when no one else really seems to be. I know it is only early days. And I know Landon is so young and the excitement of him hasn't worn off (at least not for me!) And I know that it isn't the first child for us. But I must admit, I feel a little :( about it. I think alot is my mood, as opposed to other people's reactions, that I am perhaps not handling the news as well as I would have thought.

Richard is about to upload the programs I need for the computer, so I better go incase he needs to restart the computer.

Mark has gone out to the harbour to ride motorbikes this morning, so I am here by myself, waiting to put our roast dinner in the slow cooker at 12, before I head over the Jess's for a cuppa. She wants to show me their new electronic gate, as well as a heap of work they have had done to the house over the last month or so, as it has been about that long since I was over there last!

Aside from that, probably not a busy day today. We went round yesterday and got the last of all the quotes for the Lease Vehicle. We are scared of committing to this car, but as Mark pointed out. Either we are going to have to put some SERIOUS money into the ute we have now, which I can't drive and can't have a baby seat in it, or we are going to have to get a loan for a new work car for him anyway. So really, at least this way it cuts out fuel, rego, services and tyres. Which will work out to be a godsend with current fuel prices. I realise that Vic has it worse, but it is still bad here as well.

Now all that is left to do with the car thing is ring lease plan and find out a few last minute details, then get the appropriate paperwork from lease plan and Orica, then lodge it. I am not sure how long it will take, but if we don't get the car before we head to Victoria in August, it will definately be ready to pick up when we get back in September. A bit exciting. I have never ever had a BRAND NEW CAR before. The pulsar is the newest car I have had and that is an '03 model. The one thing I don't like about new cars though is that they are nameless. The Pulsar is just that, the Pulsar. It has no personaily and no way of naming it because of that. Maybe the ute will be different, cos it's color won't be so boring?

I am starting to get odd feelings in my tummy. Weird ones I haven't had before. At first I thought it might be labour starting, but they don't hurt. It just feels like my whole belly is being squeezed. I guess these are the non-painful version of braxton hicks. Yay, that is good, cos the painful ones I get totally suck. my whole belly squeezes itself and goes rock hard. it is probably just bub moving round as best he can in a space where he pretty much doesn't fit anymore.

Ohhhh, nearly time to put my roast on! Here's hoping I don't put it on and then go into labour and not get to eat it!!! Mark asked me last night, if possible, could I net be in labour or having the baby next week on Wednesday, as he has missed the first two State of Origin matches so far this year cos of his work roster. I laughed and told him I would just to spite him. Iti s the decider, both teams having one one each so far. The whole state of origin thing is so strange. I don't remember their being a particular sporting even down South that people were into that much. I mean there was the AFL grand final, but the way people are over that is NOTHING compared to whole QLD vs NSW thing. People here go out to the pubs for it, and the fights you hear about the next day over a stupid game are ridiculous! I can't imagine anyone being so stupid as to belting into someone purely because they are from either NSW or QLD and an umpire made a decision in their States favour! I mean, really! But it does happen. At least Mark wont be going out or getting on the piss for this one! HEHEHE. I might tell him to invite Geoff (next door neighbour) over to watch on our bigger screen, seeings as Geoff can't drink either. Maybe a good suggestion, then MJ and I can do something else. Which will probably be have tea and cut stuff out for her card making business she is in the process of starting up.

Okay, it is now 11.48, and so I am going to go and sort out my roast!!! I am so excited, as I LOVE roast lamb. here's hoping the slow cooker does it okay!

Another day and still in one piece! It's okay though. I know he will come eventually! (Even if it feels like NEVER right now)

An average day really. Vacuumed and mopped the kitchen/dinning/lounge, and swept and mopped the front porch. Made scones for lunch, and Jess and Sarah came over to enjoy them with me. Aside from that, just an endless circle of 5 minutes on the computer checking Facebook and e-mails, an episode of Angel, peeing (which is now the most regular event in my life!!!) and sitting on the couch wondering what to do!

Tempted to wash the car, but probably a bit late and cold now. Tomorrows job, I think. It hasn't been done in nearly three months, so it is filthy both inside and out!

Okay, clearly have nothing to say.

Have decided I hate dogs and wish we didn't have any. Jess range me at 7.30am this morning (might add I was no where near awake!) and asked if she could leave Defa her Boarder Collie in our yard with Gypsy and Sammi for the day, as they are having workers at their house all day and she can't close the gate, which means he would have to be on the chain all day.

He got here at 8 this morning, and so far, he and Sammi (I am assuming Gypsy was not part of it, as I actually caught the other two) have chewed all the new growth off one of the palms, eaten through the hose right in the middle, meaning we need to get either a joiner or a whole new hose and dug a hole under one fence and a few other spots around the yard. Oh, as well as runningin and out of the gardens constantly. Jess had him here yesterday as well, which is when the hole under the fence appeared (and I KNOW that is Defa, as it only happens when he is here). I told Mark about it last night and he told me not ot have Defa here anymore.

Because Jess is taking ours for three weeks in August, I didn't really feel I could say no when she asked this morning, so I am also going to have to deal with Mark being pissed off at me as well, as he told me not to have that dog here. Now I am going to have to tell Jess no as well, as Mark will be adamant about that (with good reason) and so that will probably not go down very well either.

WAH!

Another day gone on the long countdown!!! At least it was a really good day. Jess rang me up this morning and we decided to go to Mount Pleasant for an hour or so to shop and have a bit of girly time. Turns out we both forgot it was a public holiday here for show week and Mount Pleasant was closed. So we went to the chemist to look for body washes for Jess and spent a bit of time in the make up section playing with samples and smelling all the perfumes. After that, we went to the Cheesecake Shop in town to get a birthday cake for Di (she works in cash office with Jess at Bunnings, so I know her as well). We stopped at Noodle Paradise (a version of Noodle Box) to get lunch and came back and vegged, eating noodles and chatting for an hour or so.

After that, we took the cake up to Bunnings to have afternoon tea with Di, which was lovely. Because it was a public holiday, she was the only one upstrairs, so it was nice and relaxed and we had lots of jokes and laughs, seeings as the co-ords weren't there to give us sour looks for wasting time. After that, we went to the pet shop and looked at the two little Boarder Collie puppies they have there at the moment. They were sleeping, but while we were watching, one woke up and had a drink and then attempted to get the other one up, who would have none of that, so she grumpily flopped down wither her back to the window and sighed really loudly. It was so cute.

After that, we spent about three quarters of an hour wandering through the fish section looking at all the tropical fish. The fish bit is in a sort of cave that you have to cross a bridge over a small stream to get to. In the the stream, there are crocodile heads, plants, rocks and those machines that make mist. The cave thing itself is dark and painted blue. There is a huge table in the middle that has tank after tank next to each other with the water flowing from the first tank in little waterfalls into the next and next etc. Those tanks have all the plants, an odd fish and snail that I don't think are necessarily meant to be in there, and rocks. There is another huge table next to those that have the "live rocks", which is their fancy was of saying corals. All the fighting fish are also lined up along the middle tables in there weeny little tanks.

All the tanks are in the walls, and go up about 10ft high. I like looking at the neon fish, the turtles, sea horse and the tropical fish the best. jess was telling me today how her brother thinks sea horse are the stupidest fish to have because they are boring and don't do anything at all, and then when we got to their tank, they were going crazy swimming and dancing with each other. So it was cool to watch for a while.

After the pet shop, we stopped at another chemist, then went home for a cuppa. We sat int he back yard, played with our dogs (she had left her boarder collie Defa in our yard while we were shopping) and enjoyed the pleasant afternoon. All up, a very good day, though I am pretty tired now.

My plans for this evening are to vacuum the lounge/kitchen (which means I will just wind up doing the whole house) and then curl up in bed to watch Angel. I am getting pretty bored of it though. In the time it has taken me to watch the season I am currently in (and I am only 4 disks out of 6 into it), I had watched the first two! Beth totally runined the ending of the series for me by telling me what happens, and it is a CRAP ending, so now I don't even have that to look forward to!

Aside from that, I have done three loads of washing today, and put a few things away that were lying around. Also sorted out some stuff with Telstra, which was good. It is funny how being pregnant (at least in the last month or so) has turned me into this super organised and efficient person. I hope it lasts! I am getting quite satisfied with myself, that I am doing stuff, though it never seems to end! Even though I am getting all these little jobs done, there still seems to be just as much to do as if I weren't bothering to do anything at all!

I talked to mum tonight, and she told me that after reading my last journal entry, she vacuumed her skirting boards, and they look good now! I laughed, and then she was asking me advice about vacuum attachments, and it made me feel all adult, and I laughed!

My braxton hicks haven't let up. I am feeling them across the top of my belly now as well, and they are way more uncomfortable than the low down ones. The high up ones hurt more cos they are more sharp and stabbing, though don't make me walk like a duck. So not sure which ones I prefer!!! Rubbing the ones high up make them feel better though, where as the ones low down hurt and there is nothing I can do!

Anyway, enough shit chat. Going to enjoy my slice of cake in the fridge with a drink of cordial, and then do the vacuuming!!! Yay!

Well, I made it to the earliest due date, the 17th of June. No baby yet. 15 more days till the last due date. Hopefully I don't have to go past that and then worry about being induced. I am not sure why out of everything, I just don't want to be induced. If I have to have a C-Section, that is fine, but I REALLY don't want to be induced. I guess it is maybe because I can appreciate the need for a C-Section, but if I need to be induced, it is like I have failed at this whole having a baby thing before I even have it.

Today has been a pretty good day. Mark and I test drove the Toyota, which won me over and I am well and truely hoping that we get that over the Mitsubishi. But it is just a matter of waiting until we are ready to committ to the repayments, and have a bit more of an idea about where we stand financially with the higher house repayments. Either way, the ute is dying and needs to be replaced, and Lease repayments are less than finance through a bank or dealership for a new car that way. As well as that, leasing means that the fuel is already paid for, as well as services and the like. So I think that leasing is definately the way to go for us, especially considering the tax benefits of dropping Mark down to a lower tax bracket.

I also got stuck into making our budget this morning. It is looking pretty good, though I have just doen the easy part so far. Which is recording our mandatory payments, such as house payments, insurance, bills etc. The hard part will be allocating limits to our entertainment, purchases and other stuff. I think what we will do is spend the next twelve months recording and trying to limit what we spend so we can get a clearer idea of where our money goes and realistic limits for spending. After that, we will start enforcing a stricter budget that is more a reflection of what we want/need and so be more likely to be stuck to. I am feeling all very adult and mature for doing this, and it is a good feeling. I am becoming so money conscious, now that I don't have my own income. I am looking forward to working eventually again, and contributing to things a little more. I would like to feel like I help pay off the house, or purchase items for Mark and I. At the moment I do feel a little like a leech, though Mark and I both agree we would rather have me at home raising our child than sticking him in child care for 8 or more hours a day every day. That suits other people, but aside from feeling that it isn't right for us, I also don't have the earning capacity to make it financially viable.

So what else? Did get a few jobs done. Vacuuming is my latest obsession. Have nearly finished doing all the skirting boards. Have discovered the joys of vacuum attachments, what they are suitable for and how cool having less dust is. I am sure that once the baby is out, it will go back to the way it was. Which is me doing bare minimum and once over few months, being disgusted and oing the big things like the windowsills and skirting boards and actually moving furniture to vac underneath it. so although I am tired, I am somewhat enjoying my nice clean house a little.

Made a slice today. It had melted snickers and chocolate mixed with crunchy nut cornflakes and peanuts. Unfortunately snickers don't melt anywhere near as well as Mars Bars and so it has not held together at all well. Still tastes nice, but not the best looking slice or the easiest thing to eat. You need a spoon, which makes it difficult to call it a slice.

Feeling pretty restless tonight though. Tired as. Marak was unwell this morning, so the day started at about 4am, and so need sleep. Just feel there is so much else I want to do. I am typing like a banshee on the computer (so forgive the many spelling errors I have no doubt made) but the need to go 100 miles an hour to get all thsi stuff done is a bit overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder though. People tell you this is how you will feel in the last week or so of being pregnant. So am I really feeling like this cos I am, or cos I have been told this is how it will be? Maybe I am so hung up on wanting this baby out, I am reading too much into my behaviour, finding the smallest thing that would indicate I am going to go into labour soon. I guess I will only be sure that is what is happening when my waters break! Until then, I will wonder is it the real thing? Is it going to stop and then be another week before I actually have bub?

I wish the due date was just that! If you didn't have it earlier, you went on that date!!! Would make things so much more relaxing!!!! knowing that at worst, if I need to be induced there is still 18 days of this (which sounds stuff all when you write it and see it in black and white!)

Anyway, I am off, to either:
a) Bed
b) Finish vacuuming the skirting boards
c) Do the dishes.

Or possibly all three, from the bottom up? No no, should sleep. If I am exhausted at the start of labour, which can happen any time, I will kick myself for worrying abouta bit of dust on the skirting boards!!!

Not much planned for the day today. I want to finish cleaningout the wardrobe on the baby room, and get the vacuuming done. So there are two goals I have set, and I bet only get half of each done. But hopefully I can get on here later and tick off both and add a heap more that I did as well! (Who knows, I could surprise myself! I really really want a clean house right now...)

Bub is definately running out of room. Mark says he can feel him belting him in the back every night, but I barely feel him during the day. If I do, it is either my belly tightening, and not specific baby movements, or it is a really hard jab that involves a scarey tent like appearance to my belly. So long as he stops poking me on the wrong side of my belly button, which really hurts now. I do get worried every now and then, when I haven't felt him move for a while.

Mark left for work last night. Less and less worried about going into labour while he is out at work. Not because i think I wont, knowing the way our luck runs, I will. But really, as if I will go into labour and have the baby in less than 2 hours, which is what would have to happen for him to miss it. I am still enjoying the time to myself while he is gone, though things can be made a little more difficult by my lack of mobility. Bending over to pick things up is the hardest. especially when I need to vacuum as badly as I do now, as the floor is too skanky to sit on!

I am getting so so so excited about our holiday to Victoria. It has been so long since all of us Johnson's have been in the same spot at the same time. I actually can't remember when! I have been in Queensland since January of 2006, and it is now June of 2008. Went home in November of 2006, and that is the last time I saw any of my family, aside from Mum, Dad and Eamon, who have all been up here since then. Also having a new baby to show off, as well as giving Mark the opportunity of meeting all siblings he hasn't met yet is a huge excitement thing to!

Okay, enough procrastinating. I am going to go and perform meanial house hold shores, then caome back and brag that I got stuff done for once. So obviously if I don't write later, I didn't get anything done!

Been a busy few days. Nice to have stuff to do, and something to actually distract me from the SLOPWLY passing days.

It was Candy's birthday party on Friday night. It was nice to catch up, even if I was sortof uncomfortable and in a little pain the whole night! I am glad that I am getting such a solid base of good girlfriends. Mark had a few drinks over the night and seemed to enjoy himself quite a bit as well. It is nice to see that he gets along with the boyfriends! I laugh, as when we used to spend more time with his friends, it was me that had the "default friends", which is the girlfriends of the boys. Now there is pretty much only Kelly and I that are consistently in that group. The others are all either single or it is a new girl regularly.

Saturday we had the Prenatal class. It was good, though a little inconsistent on a few things. The presenter was nice though, and had lots of stories. She has worked in alot of different contries, some 3rd world ones, so it was so interesting to hear of all the different ways culture view birth.

As I said though, I found her alittle inconsistent with a few things. She made it very clear she was against epidurals. Not that she rattled on about how we shouldn't have them, just that we are designed to gove birth and epidurals take away from that experience. She then got one of the boys up there and attached all these different things to him, explaining this one is the monitor for the baby's heart beat, this is for blood pressure etc. to show us all how much extra medical intervention goes into birth when you have an epidural. I thought it was presented really negatively, not that she didn't highlight the benifits of it. Just gave the impression she thought it was something you shouldn't do, if you can help it. The reason I found this inconsistent, was when the topic of circumcision came up. I would have thought that she would be COMPLETELY against it, based on her view of epidurals. And she wasn't! She said that her boy was not circumcised, as where they were living when she had him had a less than 5% rate of circumsicion, and she decided against it, as she didn't want her boy to be "different" from the other boys. After that, she gave us the statistics of circumcision in Mackay (about 50/50, probably more are done than not) and said that she may have made a different descision abotu it if she were living here. I just thought it was a bit strange.

I learnt alot though, and it bought up some things that I hadn't even thought of for the birth, which I am glad that we now know. Things like Mark needed to have a pair of covered in shoes. If anything goes wrong and I need an emergency C-Section, Mark won't be allowed in if he doesn't have covered in shoes. A change of clothes for him as well, as if I am in the bath or shower alot, he will probably get wet and it may be cold nad uncomfortable for him if he is soaking wet! What else? Talked about the back up labour partner. He really doesn't see the need to have anyone else there, and neither do I, but there is no guarentee that I am going to go into labour and have the baby in 8 or 12 hours. If it goes on for 24 or more hours, he is going to need a rest, and I am not going to want to be alone. He got a little offended and kept saying "I'll be fine and I'll be able to do it if it comes to that!" I then explained that that may not be possible. I could go into labour while he is at work or something. If I have a 24 hour + labour, and he is trying to be there coming straight off working 12 hours then driving home 2 hours (and being up at 4.45am!) he WON'T be much help to me as he will be so tired when the actual birth happens. That it is okay during the middle stages for him to have a sleep or a rest. I wasn't saying I wanted anyone else but him for the actual birth. He seemed to be okay with that, and to a certain degree even agreed with me (or pretended to!)

The other thing I realised was that we haven't really talked about how we want the birth to go, I have pretty much just assumed that he would know/want exactly the same things as me. So we talked a little about it. I told him I wanted to avoid an epidural, which worries him. He (politely, I might add) expressed concerns that I am having enough trouble coping with how painful things can be for me now, and I am not even in labour. Will I find it too traumatic and awful to go without an epidural, thus making the birth of our first child soemthing I really won't remember as a good thing? Can't really answer that one yet. I am not ruling out an epidural. Am completely open to changing my mind at any point and if I ask for one, I am asking cos I NEED it. But would like to try the au-natural rout first.

I think I picture spending as much time in the shower/bath, using hot water and heat packs to cope with the pain. When I am no longer able to use water, will go to gas and use that. I want to be able to feel my baby coming out, and want to remember the birth without a fog of drugs altering it. I want to be strong and experience this with my baby. I respect people who are honest enough to scream "drug me up" as soon as they feel the first contraction. I may be one of those people yet. I don't know. But I do have hopes of experiencing it as naturally as I can.

As far as birthing the baby goes, not just the labour. I have no interest in seeing what is happening. Mark has said that he doesn't necessarily want to be there with his head between my legs either. So mirrors are probably out for us, which suits me. I am not quite sure why I don't want to see it actually emerging.

What position to be in is the next question. No intention of laying on my back and doing it that way. Saw pictures of the passage for the baby, and as far as I could make out, you actually have to push your baby up hill to get it out (and I mean literally, it has to travel towards the cealing!) and that seems like it would be alot harder and make labour longer. I think I would prefer having Masrk sit on the bed, and me on all fours facing him, with his encouragement and support, doing it together that way. But again, that will also be something that we will also have to work out at the time, as what I assume will be most comfortable and less painful may not be so at the time.

So that is where my head is at at the moment. Have gone the whole pregnancy so far without a thought of the actuall labour, but this class we did has made me realise that I do need to think about it. I need to have ideas on what i want to happen and how I want to work it, though they need to be VERY flexable.

I am actually feeling excited about the labour. i thought I would be CRAPPING myself with all capitals by this stage of the game. I know it is going to hurt, probably more than anything else I have ever felt. I know I am going to be uncomfortable at times, as so many people will be seeing me doing things and in positions and moods that no one has ever seen me in before. But I am okay with it. I just keep looking at Mark, and knowing that the only reason I have to do it is so he can meet his son. That makes it all okay. I would do anything so he can share this so much more, and this is what I have to do. If I had to give birth in a cave with no pain relief and a monkey to help me I would, for him.